You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
