There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
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