My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
