im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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