I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
