He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
