Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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