First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
