I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
