im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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