How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
