so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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