Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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