Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
