I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
