I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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