I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
