You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
