he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
