At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
