This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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