There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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