there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
