I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
