I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
