it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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