She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
