Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
