Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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