I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do vagina's smell?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
