home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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