I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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