I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
His nipple licking is glorious
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