Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
