he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
