Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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