the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
