I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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