who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
