I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
