Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
