What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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