she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
