How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
