Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
