i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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