i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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