she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
