Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
