You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Someone came in the potted fern
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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