after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
