I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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