You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
