when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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