i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
