Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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