We're facebook friends in real life
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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