I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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