Sponge bath it is.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
