I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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