yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
