The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We left the knife in your bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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