If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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