Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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