3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
