he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
